In our lives, we have all experienced betrayal. This is inevitable. Unfortunate, but true. However, how you handle the betrayal is what determines your character, as well as your future. Here’s a scenario:
Your friend does something that you take as a betrayal. It involves a third party as well. Now you refuse to be friends with either of them. Fine, no problem…right? Well, sort of. It just becomes a problem when you randomly encounter them and you have the awkward feeling of trying to avoid them. Then years go by and while you do not care for the situation anymore, you see them walking towards you. Yikes, change direction and hope they did not see you!
It looks like we have a grudge on our hands, and perhaps in your position, it was rightfully so. Nonetheless, a grudge is still an over-bearing burden on your shoulders whether in the present, or in the future when you have “forgotten about it.” In the present state of betrayal, it becomes an all-consuming thought in which you play out different scenarios in your mind, questioning their intentions, wondering how you never saw the signs, etc. In the future state of betrayal when you have “forgotten” about the situation, while there is no more anger, the grudge towards them will force you to still avoid them.
That sure does not sound like fun. It’s practically living a life with a giant boulder on your shoulders. The more grudges you have, the more boulders you will have have to juggle. It is bound to get heavy at some point! So, while many will say the easier way out of these situations is to avoid the individuals involved all together, I believe the exact opposite is actually true. Your easiest, and by far the best way, out of grudge situations is by confronting it directly. Confrontation in a manner that does not escalate situations negatively, but still works in your favor.
If you have been wronged and you were truly hurt from it, take a step back and evaluate the situation. Sure, perhaps it was somebody very close to you that hurt you, but don’t we all make mistakes? Are we all not guilty of making a big mistake at one point or another in our lives? Rather than holding a grudge against this individual, forgive and forget what he/she has done to you. As fast as you can. The sooner you do, the quicker the boulder will be off your shoulders. You may ask, “Why in the world would I forgive somebody who has wronged me?” Well, quite simply put: for your own well-being. Be the bigger person.
What is put forth above is the ultimate and true test of self-discipline and character. You have been hurt, yet instead of letting anger, sadness, or any negative feelings overwhelm your actions, you learn to put those feelings aside and move forward and learn from this situation. You have been hurt, but realize that by controlling your next and immediate actions in these unfortunate situations will help you grow as an individual ten-folds faster than realizing that you can forgive somebody a few years down the road.
This is not an easy task to do. It may sound absolutely outrageous and impossible to some. To others, it will click how much sense this actually makes. It makes sense because when you have been betrayed and you are able to prevent holding grudges, as well as being able to forgive the individual almost immediately, there is a great sense of liberation and pride in who you are. You get to avoid awkwardness. You get to move forward with your life knowing that you will not waste efforts in the wrong places. You have received the gift of greater wisdom. Your shoulders will not feel heavy, yet, in fact you will actually feel lighter because you will feel so proud of your discipline and growth.
You win.
If you are able to commit to this, life will look completely different, and in the most positive way. Once you have accomplished this once, it will be easier any time it may happen again. Pass it along once you have realized this way of life to anyone you care about! Help them feel liberated as well :)
